This is my very first blog and I'm a little nervous. I've wanted to start one for a while but have been hesitant since I'm not a very good writer. English wasn't my best subject. Plus I don't know my way around a computer very well. For example, I don't know how to post pictures to my blog yet and haven't figured out how to change the "about me' to me and not Garth. But as soon as my personal, live-in tech support team (aka: Garth) gets back into town to show me, my next blog may be better.
Now Garth does a great job of keeping people informed of our life through his blog and my blog my overlap some of the same stories. My blog will just be from a wife and mommy perspective. I may also share more of what's on my heart and what God is doing in my life.
A recent experience has me wanting to write about it. March 14th is mine and Garth's 16 year wedding anniversary. Garth had the week off so we decided to go somewhere even though I was only going for 4 days. I knew I couldn't be away from Lena and Levi for longer than that. The week leading up to our departure was filled with mixed emotions. I found myself getting excited then the next moment crying at the thought of leaving my kids. Other than occasional date nights, Garth and I hadn't had a vacation together without kids in a year and a half. I was excited to finally have this time with him but little did I know how this would effect this mommy's heart.
I was comforted in the fact that both grandmas' would split the time staying at our house with the kids. So that should have made it easier to leave, right? Wrong. I was not prepared for the flood of emotions I felt early Friday morning as we left for the airport. I remember crying the first time we left Lena, but nothing like what happened this time. Maybe it was because we had a 7 week-old now or that I'm still hormonal from breastfeeding. But this time the tears kept coming. My mommy's heart was breaking.
Even the TSA guy at the airport asked why I looked so sad and with that, the tears began to flow again. Garth was quick to jump in and explain so I wouldn't have to. As the plane roared down the runway and began to lift off, I laid my head on Garth's shoulder and cried. I didn't care what the people around me thought. All I could think about was the aching in my mommy's heart. We finally got to Dublin Saturday morning and I was feeling better and even excited although there was still a yearning in my heart for my babies.
Garth and I had a great time in Dublin and am so glad I went. The best and perhaps the most important part of the trip for me was on Sunday night in a little restaurant called Sweetwaters. We had a simple conversation about what I had been feeling, on parenting, and being able to spend time together. In that moment I felt a new closeness with Garth that I had not felt in a while and I knew I had made the right choice in going to Dublin. Having a toddler and a newborn sometimes I get so focused on trying to be the best mom that I forget that I still need to strive to be the best wife; a Proverbs 31 wife.
Looking back, I think the sadness I was feeling in my mommy's heart was something I have been struggling with for a while: completely trusting God with the two most precious people in my life. I'm the type of person that sometimes thinks God needs my help in certain situations and one of those being the protector of my kids. I need to remember that He is our ultimate protector but it's hard for me to let go and let God sometimes. I know that He is growing me through this struggle.
I have been blessed with the most patient, understanding, caring and compassionate husband of almost 16 years. He pulls me out of my comfort zone when I don't want to be but am always glad he pulled. He pulled me this time and I am so thankful he did. We had a great Dublin adventure but for me it was seen through this mommy's heart.
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